


wear heelys escape feelies

by dyinqstar



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Bisexual Lance (Voltron), F/F, F/M, Gay Keith (Voltron), High School AU, Lesbian Allura (Voltron), Lesbian Nyma, M/M, Memes, Pansexual Hunk (Voltron), Pansexual Shiro (Voltron), allura and nyma aren't for a few chapters tho, also this might kinda be based off stuff that happens in my discord servers w friends lmao, asexual homoromantic pidge, bisexual Matt, but now im posting it, college au too ig, group chat au, he also likes ghostemane, hunk and shay are already established, i started writing this then wanted to post the first two but i was like nah i might change it, it gets wild, its a bunch of memes too btw, its lit, keith and lance arent established for a while, keith smokes weed srry i dont make the rules, klance slowburn, memes everywhere, oh boyoyoyoyo, oh man oh jeez, slowburn, straight shay, they have a party tho, weed and alcohol stuffs, youre welcome
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-05
Updated: 2017-12-16
Packaged: 2019-02-10 20:21:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 6,403
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12919536
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dyinqstar/pseuds/dyinqstar
Summary: pig:but can i just take a minute to acknowledge how fucking dumb my brother isits matt man:im right herepig:nice. when do you want me to start the powerpoint





	1. matt holt and the blender extravaganza

**Author's Note:**

> remember. once you read this nothing will ever be the same, hoe
> 
> also just to make it clear in case theres confusion, names n stuff  
> bi bi baby blue - lance  
> pig - pidge  
> allursbian - allura  
> THE INCREDIBLE HUNK - hunk  
> hi i'm space d(e)ad - shiro  
> move im gay - keith  
> its matt man - matt
> 
> its kinda obvious but just puttin it here in case :)

_bi bi baby blue has added pig, allursbian, THE INCREDIBLE HUNK, hi i’m space d(e)ad, move im gay and its matt man to the chat!_

_bi bi baby blue has named the chat ‘ROAD WORK AHEAD???????’_

**its matt man:** UH

 **allursbian:** Y E A H

 **pig:** I SURE HOPE IT DOES

 **move im gay:** who the ufkc

 **move im gay:** FUCK fuck

 **hi i’m space d(e)ad:** ufkc

 **move im gay:** Die

 **bi bi baby blue:** dont tell people to die keith smh thats CYBERBULLYING

 **move im gay:** oh its you. you made this chat didnt you

 **bi bi baby blue:** literally scroll up dumbass ofc i did

 **pig:** listen guys i know yall are showing your undying love for each other rn

 **move im gay:** WE’RE NOT FUCK OFF

 **pig:** but can i just take a minute to acknowledge how fucking dumb my brother is

 **its matt man:** im right here

 **pig:** nice. when do you want me to start the powerpoint

 **hi i’m space d(e)ad:** Pidge stop being rude you gremlin

 **pig:** IM NOT BEING RUDE HES A LITERAL DUMBASS

 **THE INCREDIBLE HUNK:** srry im late!!!!! but whatd he do

 **bi bi baby blue:** look guys god arrived

 **THE INCREDIBLE HUNK:** really? thats ironic cause you’ve been here the whole time

 **bi bi baby blue:** aw SHUCKS

 **pig:** fuck off im telling a story this is MY channel

 **pig:** anyways so dad ordered pizza and matt was like “oh nice” and he took a slice and started watching victorious, like the episode where cat that pastel wendys lookin ass aka ariana grande 2011 version keeps buying shit from a catalog, and she took becks pizza and put it in a blender and it turned it into a juice i was like “you should do that” to matt and he was like “good idea” and im like WTF WAIT NO YOU DUMBASS I WAS JOKING and he just did it and the blender fucking exploded and dad left with mom like when the pizza arrived bc theyre going to a party for moms friend or whatever and now there’s a destroyed blender with liquid pizza everywhere

 **move im gay:** I LEAVE FOR 2 MINUTES AND I COME BACK TO THIS WHAT THE FUCK

 **its matt man:** ive been exposed

 **bi bi baby blue:** WJSHGFTGTSFGSDHJJDSHJK?????

 **hi i’m space d(e)ad:** matt what the fuck you’re starting college in 3 days how am i supposed to put up with you if youre doing this shit

 **hi i’m space d(e)ad:** im gonna break up with you i s2g ill be like “haha no i never met this kid in my life”

 **its matt man:** SHE SUGGESTED IT ITS NOT MY FAULT

 **pig:** i was JOKING WHY WOULD I EVER BE SERIOUS ABOUT THAT

 **allursbian:** so ive been sitting here laughing since that message was sent and im so fucking scared but its hilarious at the same time

 **move im gay:** moral of the story: dont give matt pizza or blenders. hell just dont give him both

 **its matt man:** well i cant clean this mess up so im going to force pidge to help me brb

 **pig:** wait what

 **pig:** NO

 **pig:** WAIT MATT NJDGFSTGHSDYSDTFRSGYUSDHSTDYHJSDKSUDK;L;NO

 **bi bi baby blue:** what have i created

 **move im gay:** what satan would have created if he was here

 **bi bi baby blue:** oh keith youre already here you silly goose

 **move im gay:** fuck you

 **allursbian:** gay

 **move im gay:** LEAVE ME ALO;NE


	2. is that weed??? THATS STREET TALK FOR MARIJUANA!!!!11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so long story short i didn't expect it to be this long but hey if y'all are into long shitposty chapters all about group chats and stuff then this is ur kind of stuff :^)
> 
> also the title of this chapter is a quote. it's from shuckle squad. he does undertale cringe comps... or used to whoOPS  
> (before anyone gets upset, no don't worry i don't support cringe culture or anything, i just like shuck for his commentary and my qpp showed him to me so :'^) thanks)

**bi bi baby blue:** uggdhdsh gyusy wake up you fuckerls

**THE INCREDIBLE HUNK:** go to class

**bi bi baby blue:** no

**THE INCREDIBLE HUNK:** why not

**bi bi baby blue:** im depressed

**move im gay:** so am i and you dont see me skipping

**hi i’m space d(e)ad:** thats because you dropped out, keith

**move im gay:** god shiro quit exposing me JEEZ

**bi bi baby blue:** ksdjhdshdhj

**pig:** hey so im a master at sneaking on my phone while in class and i dont know how i am but whatever fuck that shit. lance go to class

**bi bi baby blue:** im still at home

**pig:** what the FUCK

**hi i’m space d(e)ad:** oh shit did you even call in to let them know you’re not going?????

**bi bi baby blue:** my big sis is calling rn

**THE INCREDIBLE HUNK:** lance im sorry ur not doing great :(( i love you tho!! feel better soon  <3

**pig:** ya man stay strong!!!!!!

**bi bi baby blue:** thanks guys

**bi bi baby blue:** wow keith nothing from you hmmm i suppose you really do hate me

**hi i’m space d(e)ad:** no hes prolly just crying and falling onto his knees looking up at the sky screaming through painful tears “why would you make my boyfriend suffer”

**move im gay:** FUKC OFF YOURE NOT EVEN HERE SHIRO

**THE INCREDIBLE HUNK:** he didnt say no

**move im gay:** I IMPLIED IM NOT

**move im gay:** YOU HOES

**pig:** actually its spelled heaux. bhad bhabie proved it

**move im gay:** im gonna fuckignb kill mysefl

* * *

_bi bi baby blue > hi i’m space d(e)ad_

**bi bi baby blue:** hey yknow keith cant be the only one whos kinda bothered by all these jokes abt us being gay or some shit right

**hi i’m space d(e)ad:** OH SHIT LANCE ii i’m sorry

**bi bi baby blue:** yea it’s fine dw lmao i just dont like how excessive the jokes are

**bi bi baby blue:** anyways since he dropped out does he usually just chill at ur guys’ apartment

**hi i’m space d(e)ad:** he sits on the balcony sometimes outside and watches shit from below

**hi i’m space d(e)ad:** why?? do you wanna hang out w him

**bi bi baby blue:** idk i dont have anywhere else to go

**bi bi baby blue:** watch me get fuckin caught if i go out to hang w him tho lmao

**hi i’m space d(e)ad:** tbh you look older than you think you do so im sure if the cops were around they wouldnt question shit

**bi bi baby blue:** u right. thanks man

**hi i’m space d(e)ad:** yeah no prob

* * *

_allursbian > ROAD WORK AHEAD???????_

**allursbian:** Who the fuck

**its matt man:** language

**allursbian:** sorry

**allursbian:** Whomst the fuck

**its matt man:** wow u guys are such bad kids allura and i were actually NOT going on our phones

**pig:** actually you were sending me these bad dick drawings in books the professor handed out to you matt i dont think youre that innocent now

**allursbian:** oh wow i think i was the only one who didnt go on their phone lmao

**its matt man:** once again my sister has exposed me

**THE INCREDIBLE HUNK:** guys

**pig:** ya??

**THE INCREDIBLE HUNK:** lance has been offline for like an hour and a half or so and he’s not even at school he’d normally be spamming the heck out of things including this group chat which HE made why is this concerning

**pig:** oh shit u right

**its matt man:** hes prolly hangin out w keith ;))

**allursbian:** lmao matt

**hi i’m space d(e)ad:** he actually is

**pig:** wait WGAT

**its matt man:** excuse me what is this sorcery

**allursbian:** Woah. Whoa. Waoh. Whao. w

**hi i’m space d(e)ad:** yeah i just went home since yknow lunch break and shit and uhhhhh????? yall

_hi i’m space d(e)ad has sent an attachment: **[ smokeweedeveryday.png ]**_

**hi i’m space d(e)ad:** keith has introduced lance to what is called Weed

**its matt man:** WHAT THE FUCKL

**pig:** ii

**allursbian:** oh my. god

**THE INCREDIBLE HUNK:** i never thought the day would come where id see lance mcclain, my very best friend, using a bong

**hi i’m space d(e)ad:** these fuckers don’t even see me lmao theyre gonna see this shit later when theyre sober and theyre gonna be so fucking pissed

**hi i’m space d(e)ad:** wwait WHAT HTE UFKC

**allursbian:** WHAT HAPPENED BITCH

**hi i’m space d(e)ad:** they’re fucking giggling and i heard. oh. oh my g

**its matt man:** quick shiro save yourself spare yourself from the moans

**hi i’m space d(e)ad:** i heard a thump but i think they’re just playfighting

**pig:** thats right make it all better with a pinch of innocence. now go back to college dickweed

**hi i’m space d(e)ad:** this.. this is a truly horrifying concept

**allursbian:** you know what. im just gonna

_bi bi baby blue’s name has been changed to ‘keith’s boyfriend’!_

**pig:** oh my god

_move im gay’s name has been changed to ‘lance’s boyfriend’!_

**its matt man:** IM FUCKUJN HGJ SOBIGJN SOTP

**THE INCREDIBLE HUNK:** how to make klance canon: Marijuana

**pig:** hunk knows whats up

**hi i’m space d(e)ad:** ok i made an escape i’m going back now

**allursbian:** good

**its matt man:** shiro keith is gonna kick your ass when he comes back online

**pig:** oh and lance wouldnt bc he wouldnt hurt a fly

**THE INCREDIBLE HUNK:** yes pidge because flies would never mean to hurt anybody therefore they are innocent beautiful bugs that do get annoying yet they dont mean to be

**pig:** wow hunk! thanks! i’ll check out your entomology blog later tonight


	3. lance: *sighs* y'all'd've known ive grown tired of yer bullshittery

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 2 chapters in one night?!??!!? OWUYAGHAYSHWOAAAhhHOAO?????!?!??!?!!!!!!!
> 
> no but like. im sorry i couldnt resist GFGHSD

**lance’s boyfriend:** hat the fuck

**lance’s boyfriend:** WHAT THE FUCK

**allursbian:** haha wow nice way to publicize your relationship keith

**lance’s boyfriend:** SPEAK UP I CANT HEAR YOU BITCH

**keith’s boyfriend:** s. shiro

**hi i’m space d(e)ad:** yes?

**lance’s boyfriend:** im going to fucking send you all to the most farthest hospital

**keith’s boyfriend:** did you expose. n. nvm i already scrolled through shit uhh

**pig:** soooo are u dating now

_keith’s boyfriend has changed their name to ‘biconic’!_

**biconic:** soooo can you shut the fuck up! thanks

**pig:** holy shit dude calm down

**biconic:** no, actually, i won’t calm down. i get you guys are joking but it’s fucking annoying. who cares if one or the both of us have feelings for each other. stop teasing us. it’s annoying either way.

**biconic:** keith change your name unless you really are gay for me

_lance’s boyfriend has left the chat!_

**hi i’m space d(e)ad:** oh shit this is all my fault

**biconic:** fuckfuckfuck shiro don’t blame yourself it’s fine

**hi i’m space d(e)ad:** don’t blame myself????? how can i not when i literally caused all this shit???

**allursbian:** is someone gonna check on keith or

**hi i’m space d(e)ad:** well i’m the one who’s actually with him right now so i’ll go check on him

**biconic:** are you fucking s

**biconic:** GOD FUCK YOU KNOW WHAT I’M JUST GONNA FUCKING DELETE THIS CHAT

**THE INCREDIBLE HUNK:** lance wait no no no

**biconic:** why should i wait hunk. give me one fucking reason why i should wait

**THE INCREDIBLE HUNK:** lance i’m so sorry we upset you and keith! you should have told us earlier and i get that maybe you’d think we’d stop but we can be real bad friends sometimes and… i get you’re mad, you have the right to be mad, and so does keith. even if you guys do like each other or not, we’ll stop if that’s what you want. i’m sorry. i love you lance, i hope you can forgive us..

**allursbian:** we’re so sorry we upset you both

**pig:** ^^^^what they said

**its matt man:** ^^

**biconic:** hsdghsd it’s okay guys. i can’t say this for keith but for me i just found it upsetting how consistent it was. keith if you see this (shiro showing u idk) im sorry if i offended you at all.

**pig:** keith we love you!!!! we’re super sorry too

* * *

_biconic > THE INCREDIBLE HUNK_

**biconic:** hunk i feel really bad

**THE INCREDIBLE HUNK:** i do too

**biconic:** u barely ever made that many jokes… but its ok. i forgive u. im sorry i got so mad

**THE INCREDIBLE HUNK:** its ok normally you dont get so angry so it kinda startled me,,, but i love you lance im sorry

**biconic:** shgsfgs  <33 its okay

**biconic:** but im worried about keith i feel bad

**THE INCREDIBLE HUNK:** do u think he just left cause of the tension and how upset he prolly was or??

**biconic:** i said “keith change your name unless you really are gay for me” and like 10 seconds later or so he left

**THE INCREDIBLE HUNK:** i think he just left bc everything was getting to him.. you know how he is. he probably didnt even notice what u said… but if he did i would dm him and apologize if he doesnt dm u first

**biconic:** i just feel bad??? i dont know why but i feel so bad i

**THE INCREDIBLE HUNK:** he’ll forgive you

**biconic:** no no no. no he wont if he knows what i siad. hes gonan be fuckign mad at me hunk hes not gonna forgive me

**THE INCREDIBLE HUNK:** from what ive seen between you two when youre with us irl you guys seem to connect a lot better than you do with the rest of us

**THE INCREDIBLE HUNK:** even if he’s mad, it wont last. theres something about you two that cant be broken for good

**biconic:** …

**biconic:** thanks.

**THE INCREDIBLE HUNK:** np  <3 i love u lance

**biconic:** <3

* * *

**its matt man:** shiro

**hi i’m space d(e)ad:** yo?

**its matt man:** wanna come hang out tonight

**hi i’m space d(e)ad:** well u see i have an immature lil bro here

**its matt man:** im home alone

**hi i’m space d(e)ad:** did i say immature? keith is very mature. he can handle himself. ill be there in 10

**pig:** can u fucking dm about this u asshats

**its matt man:** no

**pig:** w h y n o t

**its matt man:** pda is good for the soul

**THE INCREDIBLE HUNK:** you guys are lucky shay isnt in this gc

**it’s space d(e)ad:** oh god no

**its matt man:** LMAO SHIRO

**pig:** ur not wrong smh whenever yall are together with us ur always holding hands n shit its so STRAIGHT EEEEWWWWWWWWWWW jk im not heterophobic thats Mean!

**THE INCREDIBLE HUNK:** sjsgshsdgsHDGSFGHD

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aaaaaaaaaaaa i love angst oops ;)  
> sorry if the ending seemed cut off?? it really wasnt done but i felt like itd be a weird finish even if i did add the rest
> 
> so ill save it for tomorrow when ch4 is up :^)


	4. shiro's drinkin that Respecting Women™ juice

**allursbian:** HEY GUYS Oh oh yea did i tell u guys that i met this girl and i have a date + her number now ?? ;))

**pig:** WH

**its matt man:** OWAH!!!!!!!!! WOAH. WHO

**allursbian:** her name is nyma and she’s cute…………

**pig:** does she treat you right

**its matt man:** if she doesnt, im taking out the trash. and i may have thought of suicide before but im not talking about myself this time

**allursbian:** SKDJHJKFDDFLS;LSDKSD matt gdi

**pig:** DOES SHE TREAT YOU RI

**allursbian:** YES SHE DOES shes very nice and cute and pretty and shes gonna take me to see a movie

**THE INCREDIBLE HUNK:** what movie?

**its matt man:** better not be justice league bc we’re goin to see that shit saturday

**allursbian:** ………...Shit.

**pig:** HGFSRDFGHSD DID YOU SERIOUSL

**allursbian:** IM SORRY I FORGOT

**its matt man:** u know u can still see it with us as long as u dont spoil anything

**allursbian:** i mean…… tru

**THE INCREDIBLE HUNK:** wait her name is nyma you said right??

**allursbian:** mhm !

**THE INCREDIBLE HUNK:** oh, shay’s brother is friends with nyma’s friend rolo

**pig:** how do you even

**THE INCREDIBLE HUNK:** i know all

**allursbian:** w o a h hunk u know all the cool ppl

**THE INCREDIBLE HUNK:** u bet i do haaaa

**its matt man:** we have discovered the Truth: hunk is God. Hunk. He. We will respect our Lord and Savior, Hunk. it is He that will guide us through our darkest times to reach the light when it is faint.

**pig:** jdshghsdjdsh

**pig:** matt shiros here

**its matt man:** OH FUCIKLFK;F

**hi i’m space d(e)ad:** pidge youre on the couch come open the fucking door instead of making my boyfriend do it

**pig:** what am i a servant

**allursbian:** yeah shiro u better be drinkin that respecting women juice everyday like i do smh

**hi i’m space d(e)ad:** i do but its not as effective

**pig:** ODSIUYTFRDSFSTRFSDGHSJS

* * *

_keef > biconic_

**keef:** hey, can you invite me back to the gc?

**keef:** lance?

**biconic:** oh uh

**biconic:** you don’t. wanna. talk about anything?

**keef:** i

**keef:** i mean. do we need to or

**biconic:** idk man i was just asking. i thought it’d be the better thing to do

**keef:** oh

**keef:** um well shiro’s with matt and pidge now obviously so do you just wanna come over to hang and we can talk about shit

**biconic:** ah sure thats fine

**keef:** after you invite me back

**biconic:** takes like a minute lmao but ok

**keef:** oh. well thanks

**keef:** <3  
 _✓ read 6:37 PM_

* * *

_biconic > THE INCREDIBLE HUNK_

_biconic has sent an attachment: **[ WOAG.png ]**_

**biconic:** LOOK

**THE INCREDIBLE HUNK:** woah

**THE INCREDIBLE HUNK:** WOHA

**biconic:** what does this MEAN

**THE INCREDIBLE HUNK:** dude u found out u were bi like months ago why are u acting like ur just discovering it now

**biconic:** i

**biconic:** hunk.

**biconic:** i do NOT LIKE HIM LIKE THAT

**THE INCREDIBLE HUNK:** IM SORRY I WASNT JOKING I

**biconic:** i know i just. Hghdghf

**biconic:** he invited me over too

**THE INCREDIBLE HUNK:** he did???

**biconic:** yea man! we’re gonna talk abt some deep stuff tho

**biconic:** like.. what happened and all

**THE INCREDIBLE HUNK:** oohhh dang

**THE INCREDIBLE HUNK:** good luck man

**biconic:** thanks yo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aahh hgshjsdskdk sorry if this chapter seems short??? fsdgh  
> hope ur all doing well tho! :)) remember to take care of yourselves <3


	5. matt's a PHONE THIEF!!!! WATCH OUT

_biconic has added keef to the chat!_

**biconic:** welcome back, fucker

**keef:** get off your phone asshole im yelling aty iou rn

**biconic:** eyTUEI8Y76TYDS

**pig:** wow hi keith

**biconic:** HE JSPT HIT ME WITH HIS PHONE

**keef:** fucking talk to me

**keef:** also hi pidge and others

**allursbian:** hi

**pig:** guys i snatched matts phone

**allursbian:** what the fuck why

**pig:** uh duh? hes an asshole with a plan that is horrible

**hi i’m space d(e)ad:** whGFGDHJDHGTFR65STY6SD5DSTSDYJKLDSD;;LDF;

**THE INCREDIBLE HUNK:** guys shut up i took shay out to dinner and i forgot to silence my phone holy crap

**pig:** oh sorry!!!!!

**allursbian:** GO LOVE UR GF

**pig:** but shiro are you ok

**hi i’m space d(e)ad:** yopeu3i thoguth it was OVE,r piDGe!!

**pig:** wH O H UFKC NO

**allursbian:** im so confused what is going on

**pig:** M A T T N O 

**hi i’m space d(e)ad:** GPYS COME OVER TO MY HOUSE AFTER THE MOVIE ON SATURDAY WE’RE GONNA HAVE A FUCKIGN PARTY

**pig:** im disowning myself

**allursbian:** holy shit a party???? can i bring nyma

**hi i’m space d(e)ad:** NO YOURE GOING TO SEE JUSTICE LEAGUE WITH HER ALREADY

**biconic:** hi i just came back on to check shit since keiths in the bathroom and ALLURA YOU FUCKING TRAITOR

**allursbian:** LANCE BABY IM SORRY I

**keef:** get off your phone lance

**pig:** JHGDSFGHDSFRSGFHSDDSSDGSDHSD

**allursbian:** ok but matt i can like,, go to pick her up after the movie

**hi i’m space d(e)ad:** ok fine but youre missing shots

**keef:** wait is that shiro or

**pig:** no thats matt he snatched shiros phone and i dont know what shiros doing

**hi i’m space d(e)ad:** im sitting on him

**pig:** Fucking nasty

**keef:** oh

**keef:** oh god

**biconic:** keith are u gonna go

**keef:** uhh

**keef:** i dont drink i only do weed and i dont think we should do shots right when we get there matt

**allursbian:** tbh keiths right that doesnt sound that good???

**hi i’m space d(e)ad:** ughghgfhjghf fine fuck u guys

**THE INCREDIBLE HUNK:** im inviting shay but we’re not doing any drugs/smoking/drinking

**pig:** im the youngest here too so i cant do anything

**keef:** haha suffer

**pig:** I will after I make you.

**biconic:** holy shit pidge with correct grammar and capitalization is truly a horrifying concept

**hi i’m space d(e)ad:** also no sex please our parents may be out for the next week but i don’t think they’ll take too kindly at slow-clearing cumstains on any beds/furniture

**allursbian:** remember to take your own advice too matt :)

**hi i’m space d(e)ad:** choke

**hi i’m space d(e)ad:** anyways

**its matt man:** ok im back on my phone

**pig:** shiro are you ok

**hi i’m space d(e)ad:** my… my body… it hurts

**keef:** god youd think from all your "experience" youd be practically invincible but i guess its one of those secret weaknesses that arent so secret anymore now huh

**biconic:** HDGSFGSDFSDGH

**biconic:** also keith u have good music taste

**keef:** thanks

**keef:** ghostemane devoured my fucking soul

**pig:** tbh i thought u were more of an mcr/p!atd kinda guy keith

**biconic:** oh he is

**hi i’m space d(e)ad:** he definitely is

**keef:** shut the fuck up I WAS WAY INTO THEM MORE THAN I AM NOW WHEN I WAS 12

**biconic:** the first time we hung out i played the g note and you had a fucking spasm

**keef:** we dont talk about that

**pig:** dunda dun dundun dunda dun dundun dundA DUN DUNDUN DUNDa dun dundun

**keef:** OH

**keef:** WELL IMAGI

**keef:** -

**keef:** LANCE STOP LAUGHING YOU FUCKING CUNT

**pig:** OIDSUYTS6SDRSGHSDSDFTRSGDHJSDK

* * *

_biconic > keef_

**biconic:** fuck u keith come back

**keef:** shut ur fuck lance im getting weed

**biconic:** holy shit

**biconic:** yknow nobody in my family knows i smoke weed lmao bc i take showers at ur place before i leave so they dont smell it

**keef:** oh shit dude you might wanna stop i

**keef:** i dont want you to get in trouble bc of me

**biconic:** ive gotten in worse trouble

**keef:** theres nothing worse than finding out your kid is going out of his way to smoke weed under legal age, dude

**keef:** wait

**keef:** have you ever killed a person?

**biconic:** wtf no

**keef:** oh thank god

**biconic:** but i have gotten into a fight

**keef:** LANCE

**biconic:** thats me bitch ;P

**keef:** Never use that emoticon again.

**biconic:** ok damn

**biconic:** but yeah i got into a fight and i got a black eye and a broken arm but i started it and technically won so i got suspended for like 2 weeks

**keef:** dude holy shit, i never thought you would be the one to fight

**biconic:** that was the only time. they made fun of hunk and kept calling him really rude racist names and shaming him for being .. well… idk i dont wanna sound rude so, not skinny

**keef:** oh wow ok i guess i can see why youd do it

**biconic:** yea. but they just got in trouble with their parents and the principle/counsellor ?? so like

**keef:** what the fuck

**keef:** so what if you kicked ass, it was defending your friend holy shit

**biconic:** exactly

**biconic:** anyways hurry up w that weed man i mees u

**biconic:** no homo tho xx

**keef:** alright jesus

**biconic:** thats right i am jesus

**keef:** i meant

**keef:** .

**biconic:** hgFGHSHHHHHAHAHKJSDKL

**keef:** fuck you dude

**biconic:** ay i already said no homo


	6. BATTLE OF THE BROGANES!!!!!!!111

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry i didnt post anythin yesterday. but here it is. i was totally drained yesterday and other stuff but hgsghsd im ok now, yes yes helo

_hi i’m space d(e)ad > ROAD WORK AHEAD???????_

_hi i’m space d(e)ad has sent an attachment: **[ lookatthesefuckinyeehaws.png ]**_

**hi i’m space d(e)ad:** do i even need to explain this

 **pig:** GO THE FUCK TO SLEEP SHIRO

 **its matt man:** omg……. thats so cute

 **its matt man:** also pidge youve been up this entire time too wyd

 **pig:** i didnt ask to stay up until 6am with you and your boyfriend, Matthew.

 **its matt man:** listen dont use that hew on me

 **pig:** HEW

_its matt man’s name has been changed to ‘hew’!_

**hew:** i hate this group chat

 **pig:** HDGSFGDHSFGSDHJSDSJS

 **hi i’m space d(e)ad:** i cant believe my bro and his bff are sleeping together

 **hi i’m space d(e)ad:** wait

 **hi i’m space d(e)ad:** oh shit they did weed again

 **pig:** why are they doing weed so much

 **hi i’m space d(e)ad:** honestly it’s just a start for lance, it shouldn’t be *too* bad?? but keith doesn’t do it lots since he’s been doin it for awhile

 **hew:** i hope lance’s parents don’t find out

 **hi i’m space d(e)ad:** yehAJHSGTFSD6DSYSGUH

 **hi i’m space d(e)ad:** FUCKL

 **pig:** WH

 **hew:** oh no has your brother awoken

 **hi i’m space d(e)ad:** HGFTEHGJKPLH L;EP M E

 **pig:** oh no

 **keef:** it was completely fucking platonic

 **keef:** shiro get ready

 **hew:** dont beat up my boyfriend please

 **keef:** he’s my brother ive known him longer fight me matt

 **pig:** FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT F

 **hew:** please tell me they aren’t fighting

 **pig:** they prolly are

 **hew:** oh god

 **hew:** wait how has lance not woken up

 **hew:** did he wake up?? is he stopping them???

 **pig:** sometimes lance is a heavy sleeper

 **pig:** but

 _biconic has sent an attachment: **[ pleasestopthem.mp4 ]**_  
[ It’s a video. It contains an angry messy-haired Keith who has just woken up, sitting on top of his brother being pinned to the floor as he’s twisting his arms and legs trying to break free. Loud grunts of pain from both fighting brothers are being emitted. You can hear Lance occasionally giggling tiredly, and at the end he says ‘stop these fuckers.’ ]

 **hew:** OH MY GOD

 **pig:** never Fucking mind

 **biconic:** i hate them so much HGDSHJ

 **biconic:** oh shit missed call from mom forgot about that

 **hew:** wait dude you never told her youd be sleeping over at keiths

 **biconic:** naww man shes skeptical abt him

 **pig:** shiro’s fuckin amazing to her tho right ?? like why cant you just say “oh im hangin out with shiro”

 **biconic:** bc she KNOWS i prefer keith over him

 **hew:** ahh yes. the favoriting phase

 **pig:** stfu matt

 **hew:** :(

 **biconic:** im so tired hgfsgdhss

 **biconic:** oh shit its getting intense brb i gotta stop em

 **hew:** i

 **pig:** no i like to see brothers fight

 **hew:** that’s……… a very specific thing to admit, Pidge

 **pig:** fight me hoe

 **hew:** NO

 **pig:** pussy

 **hew:** FUCK YOU

 **pig:** incest

 **hew:** No. Horrible. St

 **pig:** KJHDSJK

 **keef:** haha i almost broke shiro’s arm

 **hew:** WHAT THE FUCK KEITH

 **keef:** he doesn’t hate me

 **hi i’m space d(e)ad:** i don’t think you should be so sure of that

 **keef:** Oh. Wow. Okay.

 **biconic:** ok im going back to sleep now that thats taken care of

 **hew:** ya same

 **keef:** im goin too

 **hi i’m space d(e)ad:** gn guys

 **pig:** all of you are fucking pussies

 **pig:** im gonna stay up all night

 **pig:** watch me

 **pig:** s

 **pig:** sssssjhdhjsdkkkdkdkdk

 **pig:** HGFDGSHsjjddhssssssdddsdsdddd

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is my favorite chapter i hope u guys loved it too bc i sure did!!!!!! it was fun to write!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


	7. #latetothemothmanxkeithjokesparty?????

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> mondays are tiring. but thank you all for the comments and kudos, jfc i cant believe its over 100 now??  
> yall are great.
> 
> anyways, have this.

**THE INCREDIBLE HUNK:** should i even ask?

**keef:** no

**hew:** no

**hi i’m space d(e)ad:** no

**biconic:** keith and i did weed, i slept over without telling my mom, shiro stayed at matt and pidge’s till like 6am and came back and woke keith up, so keith started fighting shiro, like legit fighting him woah, and i woke up cause i heard it going on and eventually i stopped them before it got worse

**THE INCREDIBLE HUNK:** woah

**keef:** i almost broke his arm hahah

**hi i’m space d(e)ad:** fuck you keith you better be glad this sharp pain in my arm from earlier wasn’t as bad before i left

**keef:** touche

**keef:** i need no supervision

**biconic:** my mom made me come home smh

**biconic:** i can’t believe her

**keef:** how much trouble did u even get in once u got home lmao

**biconic:** she threw a shoe at me

**keef:** what the fuck

**hew:** woah dude holy shit

**biconic:** eh it’s fine im used to it

**THE INCREDIBLE HUNK:** are you ok though??

**biconic:** yeah

**biconic:** other than that she just says she doesnt like the sound of you, keith

**keef:** did you tell her

**biconic:** wh

**biconic:** the weed??

**keef:** no

**keef:** that we,,

**hew:** No. No way. You didn’t.

**biconic:** oh MATT NOT THAT SHUT UP HDSGFGHDJHFFJ

**biconic:** but no i didn’t tell her i slept in your bed with you

**hew:** sounds a lot like you guys fricked

**keef:** we didn’t, matt

**keef:** lay off

**hew:** alright sorry sdghdsjsd

**hew:** but how come she’s so skeptical of him? she must think that if he’s shiro’s brother he’s a good kid

**hi i’m space d(e)ad:** did you think so the first time you met him

**hew:** …

**hew:** (ahem) Well, you see,

**biconic:** guys shut up yall are prolly making him feel bad

**biconic:** keith u ok

**keef:** yeah dw

**hew:** ii

**hew:** keith im sorry i didnt think that bad of you at first

**hew:** you just kinda have a resting-bitch face that tricks people into thinking youre a little shit

**hew:** which, you can be,

**hew:** but regardless from what i know youre nice

**biconic:** ^^^

**keef:** skdsjksdjk its ok but thanks

**hi i’m space d(e)ad:** my occasionally-a-little-shit of a brother be getting all the love he deserves

**hew:** u right

**hew:** also pidge is still sleeping goddamn

**hi i’m space d(e)ad:** what do you expect we were up till 6am

**keef:** you only got like 15-30 minutes of sleep shiro LMAO

**hi i’m space d(e)ad:** FUCK OFF

**THE INCREDIBLE HUNK:** gosh guys you need better sleep schedules… very unhealthy!!

**biconic:** i love it when the mom of this group truly understands self care

**hew:** lmao ok but wheres allura

**keef:** she told me she was going to comiccon

**hi i’m space d(e)ad:** oh no

**biconic:** wait why would she tell you of all people

**keef:** shit gtg

_keef has left the group!_

**biconic:** WHAT

**hew:** ???????????????

**hi i’m space d(e)ad:** oH NO YOU DON’T

_hi i’m space d(e)ad has added keef to the chat!_

**biconic:** keith explain right now

**keef:** (sigh) bullies demanding me for lunch money has changed to something only more humiliating……………. why was i born gay

**hew:** HGDSGFHSDSFDSGD

**keef:** ok so

**keef:** since allura has known shiro longer than she knew you, lance

**biconic:** W

**biconic:** WHWHWH???????

**keef:** yes thats right

**keef:** but since she did, i was younger at the time we met, and we bonded over shit like comiccon and stuff

**keef:** so one day she was like “YO comiccon is in our area wanna go” and shiro said it was fine and i uh

**keef:** allura lost me and couldnt find me for 3 hours so shiro had to drive over and eventually they found me clinging to a mothman cosplayer

**keef:** there was no security because they were on “breaks,” believe it or not

**hi i’m space d(e)ad:** so you see why you got sketchy vibes from him when you first met him, matt? thats because he had a fucking MOTHMAN *and* EMO PHASE

**hew:** im exposing you to pidge, keith

**keef:** oh no NO NO DONT

**keef:** MATT PLEASE IVE NEVER DONE ANTHGINJG WRONG ENOUGH TO DESERVE THAT

**hew:** its too late shes woken up

**biconic:** i had to take 2 minutes to process this

**keef:** oh my GOD

**biconic:** it may not have fully processed but honestly. keith what the fuck youre iconic im so glad i met allura otherwise she wouldnt have introduced me to you and shiro

**keef:** i wanna die

_keef’s name has been changed to ‘mothman’!_

**mothman:** WHO

**mothman:** WHO. WHO DID THIS

**pig:** :) so i heard you had more than just an emo phase, keith?

**mothman:** matt im going to fucking pound you into the ground

**biconic:** i cant believe this

_pig has named the chat ‘local prepubescent emo twelvie gets lost in comiccon’_

**mothman:** the holt siblings… gone. just like that. nobody ever knew why or how it happened. their bodies were found in a dumpster, broken and beaten. dry blood on both of them. no correct dna was ever found as to who the killer was. keith kogane runs wild forever to remain no more but a simple boy.

**hew:** JHGSDFGHSDFGSDHSFSDGHSD

**pig:** IM SORRY KEITH JSDHJKLSDDSHDS

**mothman:** im sure you are

**pig:** ok fine im not that sorry but please dont hurt me or matt HGDSFGHSDJ

* * *

_biconic > hi i’m space d(e)ad_

**biconic:** hey so has keith always been a feisty kid???

**hi i’m space d(e)ad:** well yeah, i mean he gets angry p fast obviously but he’s never been a pro at fighting

**hi i’m space d(e)ad:** why??

**biconic:** can i train him?

**hi i’m space d(e)ad:** holy shit lance what is this

**biconic:** as a boy with 10 siblings i can tell you i’m experienced and i also took karate lessons when i was younger

**biconic:** but i just know how to fight non-karate style

**biconic:** so if i were to train him would you be ok with it?

**hi i’m space d(e)ad:** as long as he uses it in appropriate situations and not just bc of a joke or someone who pissed him off for a small/not that important nor serious reason, sure

**biconic:** ok nice, thanks

**hi i’m space d(e)ad:** yeah np

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i dont know what this was or what the ending was but next chapter will be short. it was gonna be the ending to this but ehh nah. so ill post it and the next chapter tomorrow.
> 
> hope youre all having a great day. if its a bad day, that doesnt mean you have a bad life. youre great. dont give up.
> 
> -lance (yes, thats my name, im a boyo)


	8. feelings are tough

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry i didn't post it the day i said i would.  
> school nd all that's been making me slow on things.

_hi i’m space d(e)ad > keef_

**hi i’m space d(e)ad:** so you and lance have been getting kinda close, huh?

 **keef:** what are you implying

 **hi i’m space d(e)ad:** you know what i’m implying, keith

 **keef:** so what if we’re hanging out a lot that doesn’t fucking mean anything

 **hi i’m space d(e)ad:** yeah okay but what does it mean when i see you all smiley and actually laughing when he’s messaging you or when he says shit in the gc

 **keef:** it means he makes me happy?

 **hi i’m space d(e)ad:** yeah. but nobody’s ever made you *that* happy *that* much, keith

 **hi i’m space d(e)ad:** not even me.

 **keef:** i don’t have feelings for him shiro

hi i’m space d(e)ad: i’m sure you don’t

 **keef:** are you just trying to get me to admit it

 **hi i’m space d(e)ad:** there it is. you just did

 **keef:** no i d

 **keef:** oh.

 **keef:** oh fuck you.

 **hi i’m space d(e)ad:** do you though?

 **keef:** can we just talk about this when you get home

 **keef:** i’m going out for a bit but i’ll be back in 2 hours. you get home at 5 tho right so i should be home before you

 **hi i’m space d(e)ad:** keith

 **keef:** shiro please i don’t wanna talk about this over text

 **hi i’m space d(e)ad:** you’re making this really difficult for me

 **keef:** oh and i don’t have it difficult either?

 **keef:** god see this is why i just wanna talk to you about it in person

 **hi i’m space d(e)ad:** i. okay fine

 **keef:** ok

 **keef:** sorry

 **hi i’m space d(e)ad:** it’s fine


	9. the truth behind lance mcclain's beauty (ft. allura and keith)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here you gooooo

_allursbian > local prepubescent emo twelvie gets lost in comiccon_

**allursbian:** what did i miss

**biconic:** MOMMY

**allursbian:** nothing? ok bye

**allursbian:** JKJKJKJK

**biconic:** don’t be FUCKIGN rude

**pig:** aLLURA HIIIIII

**allursbian:** hI GUY Y SS

**allursbian:** comiccon was so fun!!!!! im guessing keith told you??

**biconic:** oh he did.

**pig:** he DEFINITELY did.

**allursbian:** ??

**hi i’m space d(e)ad:** he ended up telling the story of how you and i found him clinging to a mothman cosplayer, allura

**allursbian:** oh my god

**allursbian:** fhGFGSDHSDHJ THAT WAS ICONIC but i was mad

**biconic:** honestly i cant imagine you mad

**allursbian:** dude i kicked someones ass for you on snap bc they said boys can’t wear makeup

**mothman:** woah

**allursbian:** KJSDHGHJDGSDHJDKSD YEP YOU DEFINITELY TOLD THEM WHERE I WAS

**pig:** look at the group name too allura

**allursbian:** i

**allursbian:** O

**allursbian:** OUSDGTFGSDFCSDGSHDSSDS OH MYGODK YOU GUYS IM CHOKGIGN

**mothman:** i cant believe my friend ive had for the longest next to shiro (bc hes my bro ofc) betrayed me

**allursbian:** kKeith im sORRY HghdsgdshHSDKJ

**mothman:** im sure you are

**allursbian:** I AM I AM IM SORRY!!!!!!!!

**mothman:** :( ok i forgive

**allursbian:** thanks bb

**biconic:** wow i thought i was alluras bff but i guess NOT

**biconic:** how many times are you going to be deemed as a traitor in my eyes allura

**allursbian:** LANCE IM SORRY I LOVE U SO MUCH ;_;

**biconic:** SKSK i was joking but ily2

* * *

_keef > allursbian_

**keef:** lance wears makeup?

**allursbian:** u never noticed?

**keef:** not really when we hang out he sleeps over sometimes and doesnt wash it off

**allursbian:** oohhh shit check ur bedding if theres any makeup messes on it then lmao

**allursbian:** i mean idk there shouldnt be that big of a mess??

**keef:** oh its fine i wash them out with my tears probably

**allursbian:** OSDUYGTFDFGHSD

**allursbian:** gdi keith

**keef:** but seriously he uses makeup ii

**keef:** woah...........

**allursbian:** yea

**allursbian:** dunno why tho, i mean im not saying that bc hes a boy like obviously boys can wear makeup but hes already beautiful w/o it

**keef:** i dunno if ive ever seen him without makeup

**allursbian:** holy FUCK boy u are missin out!!

**allursbian:** hol up

**keef:** i

**keef:** do you save all the pics he sends to you

_allursbian has sent an attachment: **[ prettyboy.png ]**_

**keef:** holy shit

**allursbian:** i only save them if he looks good

**allursbian:** which is every pic

**keef:** wow allura can i be you

**allursbian:** JGDHJSK

**keef:** but he… i.. wow. either way he looks

**keef:** pretty

**allursbian:** in what way do you mean that

**keef:** any way you interpret it honestly

**allursbian:** OHGJMGGYGHFMYGODH

**keef:** please dont screenshot that tho

**keef:** shiro knows

**keef:** nobody else

**allursbian:** dw bb your secrets safe w me  <3

**keef:** <3

**allursbian:** but if u need advice or someone to talk to, im here

**keef:** aahhh thank you so much

**keef:** i know i dont say it enough but i rlly appreciate you being here for me

**keef:** and i barely ever say this to like, anyone since its an awkward phrase but im gay so i mean this platonically:

keef: i love youu

**allursbian:** aHGFGHSDSD dude im gay too so like platonically as well

**allursbian:** i love yOU TOO B I T C H

**keef:** ;_;  <3

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading remember to subscribe thots


End file.
